Morality Reflected

Life has been busy for the last month. For some reason I thought that not returning to work part-time this semester would some how make my life easier, but I feel like I am running a thousands miles an hour all day and not having the time to finish all on my to do list. Maybe because I am not working, perhaps I am so much harder on myself when I do not get everything completed. Maybe I don't allow myself the grace that I deserve.

I was moaning and complaining about being too busy and time passing too fast. Then life came along and hit me like a sack of potatoes. I talked a couple weeks ago about how I was seeing my own mortality in the reflection of the world's. But then God called my bluff. I got that middle of the night call that brings one's world crashing down around them. I saw my morality reflected in my own life. My brother was involved in an accident, and suddenly the world became about police investigations, and state law, and was he in the wrong, and why was there a pedestrian standing in the street, why was this happening to my little brother, and why was it happening to our family. I don't know and that kills me.

Do you ever feel like your life turned out wrong? Perhaps you took this wrong turn somewhere along the way. Like this parallel universe is occurring and the world there keeps turning and yet here you sit in a world completely different. I can't shake the feeling that my life is wrong, and is not how it should be. I can't turn back time, so how do I make it right?

UPDATE: I posted this and not five minutes later I came across this on another blog:

"Count it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." - James 1:2-3

That's the WHY! Isn't it? I know it and yet I hate it, too.